You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
