Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize