btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
