You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
