I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize