I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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