if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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