Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
