Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
