he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
