We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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