I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
