I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
