dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
