Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
