I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
