Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
