Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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