Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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