I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
