My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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