8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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