She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
