Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize