R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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