when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
