YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
