thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
