So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
