Im at strip club and am horny
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
