They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
