Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
