Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
