I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
