Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
