I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
