at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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