apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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