Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
