This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
