Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize