I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
