Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize