Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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