i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
