I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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