seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
