I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
