his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Panties = found
Randomize
