I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He had one of those small greek statue penises
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
