I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
