His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize