apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
