from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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