i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
