I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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