dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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