I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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