dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
PANTIES FOUND
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
