i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Non-Jews are for practice
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
