if you like me you must not know who I am
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Terrible idea I love it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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