How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
