you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
