I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
