I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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