A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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