Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
