Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
