hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize