How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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