I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
