I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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