I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
