saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
