Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
