Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize