so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize