I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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