i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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