There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
